What can I send my best friend whose boyfriend passed away?

My best friend's boyfriend, who was also a friend of mine, passed away recently. She is an awful wreck and I feel like I should do something nice for her. I know the most meaningful thing I can do for her is be there for her, and talk when she needs it, but she's not really the talking type. She's been keeping to herself and not talking about it, which is understandable. I considered sending her one of those Edible Arrangements, then I realized that there's no way she's in the mood to eat anything. I thought of sending flowers but they are extremely expensive and I feel like I want to give her something more meaningul. Does anyone have any ideas? Thanks.
What can I send my best friend whose boyfriend passed away?

FlowersBirthday FlowersSympathy FlowersKatie... No, you did NOT post this in the wrong section. Etiquette is very correct for your situation.





I just can't BELIEVE how rude and CRUDE some of these people are being with their answers! It is thoughtless, immature, and downright nasty! SHAME on you people... and you KNOW who you are!





The suggestions of a note is VERY appropriate. I know myself, that it is so good to hear that people remembered the deceased, and in a very personal way. You can add a comment like, "I so remember his smile, his wonderful sense of humor, he always knew how to brighten someone's day!"... or whatever. It's a good idea to simply end with something like, "I'm here when you need me."





A gift is alright, but not necessary. Sometimes, the family will say in their obituary, "Family requests donations to XYZ Charitable Organization in lieu of flowers" and you can do this in his honor. Contact the funeral home that is handling the "arrangements." They will have all that information.





Sorry to hear of YOUR loss, too... as you have also experienced this loss personally.








Have a polite day.
Reply:I would send a orchard plant as they won't die away like normal cut flowers. Its a gift someone can keep and look after which makes it more sentimental as well as a card expressing that your thought are with her.
Reply:Send her a sympathy card and write a personal message inside, say you are here if she you like to talk.
Reply:Send a simple card with all that you are feeling about helping her through her time of need. She will appreciate it.
Reply:give her a balloon boquet. or a bunch of instant lottery tickets.
Reply:a cute toilet seat or even a real new toilet.
Reply:You are wrong about her appetite. It may be gone right now but it will strike. What she won't feel like doing is cooking.





The classic standby for this situation is food. Bring her a week's worth of one person meals that are already cooked and then frozen, so that she can re-heat them at will. Include directions with each. Include chocolate treats, a bottle of liquor, and a blank diary so that she can pour her broken little heart out.





Classics are classics for good reason. They are useful, practical, thoughtful and allow you to care for someone and express your empathy for their grief.





Also, when you have lost someone you love, you are angry beyond belief, at the person who died, at others for still being alive, and at anyone who even attempts to profess they understand what you are going through.





A gift certificate for a massage is, surprisingly, a very good thing as there is something about being massaged, that basic human to human contact, that allows your emotions to surface and it is a very cleansing feeling. Just advise whoever is going to give the massage that this is a grief scenario so that they will not be surprised when their client bursts into tears on the table.
Reply:My boyfriend passed away 3 months ago and he was the absolute love of my life. The thing that helped me the most was reading. A friend gave me 2 books (I did NOT go to the store and buy them myself.) Soul Mates by Thomas Moore, which is about the relationships in our lives - not just lovers - and the imperfections and flaws in them that make them special. This helped me with the normal guilt that comes into play after someone dies. When it got into the marraige section, I stopped reading. :) Also the book Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian Weiss, MD. This book was not necessarily my belief system at the time, but it made sense and truly helped me. Also books by Dick Sutphen and Kathleen Tucci. These are a little off the beaten path according to normal society's standards and I don't know if your friend enjoys books, but these are all quick reads. For me personally, in my own situation where I had experienced a very deep and wonderful connection with someone and then it was suddenly taken away after I had waited so long for him, these books were immensely helpful in seeing a possible bigger, more hopeful picture. A massage is nice, too. :)
Reply:A card is a good idea. And really, I think she might be in the mood to eat something. As far as I've heard, it's always appropriate to give food for something like this. But usually it's more like a casserole or baked goods. Comfort foods. And just to share some info- edible arrangements are pretty spendy too, but very nice. And a single flower doesn't have to be expensive and can look more elegant and profound than a bunch of flowers. A single yellow rose would symbolize your friendship and would go nicely with a "thinking of you" card. You could get one cheap at the supermarket or a florist and put it in a recycled glass bottle - red wine bottles are great for that, but so are a lot of other bottles. It wouldn't be too expensive. Sounds like you are a very good friend.
Reply:Send her a sympathy card. Actually, get a blank note card and write the sympathy note yourself. Here is a suggestion:





--------------------------------------...


"Dear (friend's name),





Sorry to hear about (boyfriend's name) passing.


I know there's not enough words to say to take the pain and loss away, just know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. If there's anything I can do for you, anything at all, just let me know and I'll be there at your aide.





Thinking of you always.





With all my heart,


(your name)


--------------------------------------...


If you knew her boyfriend well, acknowledge him and write positive things about him in the card.





For example:





"I was saddened to hear that Jake has passed away. He always made me laugh. He always gave the benefit of the doubt with everyone. He was so helpful. He is truly an inspiration to me. He will be missed."





If you didn't know the boyfriend that well, just acknowledge him anyway like "Sorry to hear about Jake's passing" and continue with the sympathy note.





Now is not the time to send gifts with the sympathy card.


The bereaved needs more emotional support than financial support. Right now send sympathy cards. Flowers and blooming plants are acceptable sympathy gifts as it brightens up the mood of the bereaved.





After you mail your sympathy note, keep in touch with the bereaved by phone call, mail, email.


Please understand that everyone griefs differently. So if she doesn't take your phone calls or email or keeps in touch with you, don't be offended and just give her space and let her grief. But always be there for her when she needs :-)





DO NOT write in the sympathy note the following:





"It was his time to go" (NO)





Anything religious about God or spiritually (NO, however, the word "I will pray" is acceptable. If you and the bereaved are into praying)





"He is in a better place." (NO! this is only sentence my sister wrote me in an email after my father in law passed, this is offensive)





Hope this helps!
Reply:a Dildonanny